He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
