put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize