I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
