Your face is a jimmy john
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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