Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
