apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
