she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
