I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
