She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
