you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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