why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
