So drunk its hurt
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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