Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
