In the future we'll all be gay
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
