nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
