yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
