the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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