just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
