the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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