did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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