I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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