the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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