my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
