how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
