my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
