Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
