I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
