ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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