every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
