that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
