Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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