We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
