What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
