I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
