For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
