a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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