the condom got lost in my hair
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He passed out mid-signature
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
