Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so explain again why im purple
no
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
