I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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