Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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