im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
