is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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