idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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