Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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