this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize