Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
