his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
