Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
