sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
