my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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