I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
