After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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