I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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