Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
