So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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