the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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