Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
