Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
