You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
