i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
