worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
