The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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