'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
