He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
