An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
