I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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