What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
