I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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