I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
